Many years ago, in the depths of darkness, illness, self-sacrifice, and over-responsibility, I had a dream. The dream was so stark and so real and so full of resentment and rage that it stuck with me.
In my dream, I was lying on the floor of my yoga studio, curled in the fetal position. One-by-one, people I loved and served and cared for came up and kicked me in the belly. Kicked me while I was down. I just kept taking the hits, the kicks, and holding myself tighter in defeat. But underneath the kicks, I felt anger. I felt rage. I felt resentment from the deepest part of my being.
I was resentful because I let them kick me. I was resentful because I didn’t get up. I was resentful because I didn’t protect myself or tell them to stop or simply just walk away. I could have walked away. But I didn’t. I just kept taking the hits.
When I woke up from the dream the resentment was real in my body, real in my cells. I woke up not just from the dream, but from the illusion that this was how I had to lead. I had been under the illusion that leadership and compassion and love meant taking a beating for the sake of others.
I woke up and realized that resentment is a teacher, she is a compass, and when I feel her rising inside my core, I know to listen. I know to stand up, to say no, to protect myself like a mother bear protects her cubs.
Resentment is a sacred call to listen to your truth and stand up for what you need and who you are. Resentment and rage are sisters, here to remind you to set boundaries for yourself and remember that love is fierce. Fierce love is protective love, and one of your jobs in this life is to protect yourself for the sake of others.
Resentment amplifies where you are not taking care of yourself. Where you are not setting boundaries. She rises when you give yourself away. Listen to her. She knows the truth.
xx,
Michelle Long
Want to go deeper? Join me this Sunday in our free Sunday Service for a special discussion and meditation on resentment and boundaries. Join the group here.
And if you would love to connect with me in real time, get support, and dive extra deep into sacred boundaries, your truth, and how to stop giving yourself away for the sake of others, join me in my upcoming Sacred Boundaries Retreat happening November 20 and December 4, 2021. Go here to learn about it.
